


Americana

by Professor_Fluffy



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-26
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 14:11:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/444021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Professor_Fluffy/pseuds/Professor_Fluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack!Fic // Klepto Shenanigans.</p><p>Coulson goes to Comic Con, and Clint shows up with a surprise.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Coulson realized his tumblr window was still open to the Captain America tag. He minimized that too, and made a strangled noise when he realized Clint had changed his wallpaper to a photo of himself, fresh out of the shower, an American Flag towel draped loosely around his hips. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Americana

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lilbunnifufu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilbunnifufu/gifts).



> I'm sorry. I have issues. lol

Coulson minimized his window with a start. 

Clint smirked down at him, “does Fury know what you do on company time?”

Coulson realized his tumblr window was still open to the Captain America tag. He minimized that too, and made a strangled noise when he realized Clint had changed his wallpaper to a photo of himself, fresh out of the shower, an American Flag towel draped loosely around his hips. Clint’s lips quirked. 

Phil was torn between relief, that he had a hot boyfriend who didn’t give a shit about his celebrity crush, and ire because, damn it, Phil Coulson was a professional, he did not have nude photos of his boyfriend on his work computer, or tumbler pages, or moderators access to the ‘Cap’s full-mast’ kink page, the membership of which, he thought proudly, was only rivaled by stevesstarknude.com. Phil was pretty sure he knew which cocky asshole ran that site, there were far too many intimate photos published there on a regular basis, but he knew good blackmail material when he got ahold of it, so he refrained from commenting.

“I’m off the clock,” he said sternly.

“That’s right; you’re going to Comic Con today.”

Phil twitched. “If you tell anyone,” he hissed threateningly...

Clint wrapped himself around Phil’s shoulder, and kissed his ear, jerking away before Phil could put him in a half nelson. 

“Have fun baby,” he chuckled, ducking out of Phil’s office.

Phil made his way from booth to booth, purchasing new Captain America comics. His bags were full of fanboy swag. He’d picked up a discounted Captain America bobblehead, and a shirt with a picture of Loki that said _I do what I want_ across the front. That was for Stark, anonymously of course. If executed correctly, it should start a good Stark-Rogers squabble. Proper recompense for the tie Stark ruined at last year’s Christmas party. 

“Hey there Solider,” a husky voice whispered in his ear. He spun around, fully prepared to haul the offending party to the security booth by their ear. 

Instead he stammered, “S…Steve?”

“You’d better hope not, Stark would kick both our asses.”

Phil looked into the dancing eyes behind the cowl, “Clint?”

“Miss me babe?”

Phil didn't get a chance to answer.

“Oh my god, oh my god! That is the best costume reproduction I’ve ever seen,” a teenage girl gushed, grabbing Clint's arm. “Can I get a picture?”

Fifteen pictures and one attempted mauling later, Phil slid his keycard into the slot of the hotel door, letting Clint shuffle past him, kicking the door shut behind them.

Clint flopped down on the king sized mattress, “nothing but the best for us, huh?” He laughed when Phil straddled him, pinning him to the bed by both wrists. 

Clint wrapped both of his legs around Phil’s back, kissing him soundly. He tested his hold, before flipping them both over. Phil was pinned beneath him, and both of Clint’s hands were free. He smiled fondly, knowing that if Phil wanted him pinned down, he'd still be on his back.

He peeled the cowl back, sliding his hands under Phil’s suit jacket, running his fingers over Phil’s abs, before deftly snagging his S.H.I.E.L.D. issue phone, and hitting the silent setting.

The panoramic picture window exploded behind them. 

Phil rolled off the bed and came up with his gun drawn. 

Clint sat up with an amused huff. 

Tony was hovering outside, Steve shivering against his shoulder. 

“Steve would like his suit back now, Clint.”

Phil turned to Clint, with murderous intent, “Please tell me you didn’t?”

“I think the real question here is not why I am wearing Captain America’s suit, but why Captain America is wearing a shirt that says free licks.”

“Go and change, now.” 

Clint slide off the bed, and shimmied into the bathroom, returning a few minutes later with Cap’s gear in a neatly folded pile. Phil gave him an exasperated look. He was wearing one of Phil’s shirts, buttoned loosely down the front, and had one of Phil's ties dangling in his free hand.

“I’ll handle this Captain,” Coulson said, apologetically. "I am so sorry, I'm your number one fan, really. I'll make it up to you somehow."

Tony frowned. 

“It’s fine, Tony I’m freezing, we can discuss this later,” Steve said, giving Clint another glare.

“Fine.” Tony shut the visor, and took off toward the Malibu house.

Clint grinned at Coulson.

“You’re going to pay for the damage to my hotel room.”

“And?”

“Steve is going to make you run a million laps.”

“And?”

“And then I am going to buy you an actual replica of that suit.”

“Oh?” Clint quirked an eyebrow.

“And,” Phil said, “I am going to spank you so hard you can’t sit down for a week.”

“You’re going to turn me into a full time kleptomaniac babe.”

Phil grabbed the tie. “Where were we?”


End file.
